So, even though I will be switching to a job at another
company next week, my manager asked me to write my commitments for the coming year. I currently work at Microsoft, and this is
one of the rituals we go through. “Commitments”
are essentially goals and plans for what we are going to accomplish in the next 12 months.
As you might imagine, this is a bit of a
homework assignment, and managers get nagged by the system to make sure that
their employees write their commitments.
So, it was understandable that my manager would ask me to do this, and
to his credit, he hinted that I could put “whatever” in my commitments…. Heh
heh heh.
So without further ado, here are my Microsoft commitments
for the coming year. They were approved
by my manager on Friday, so they are official. Needless to say, this is the most fun I've had writing them.
1 Secure agreeable
interantional and domestic relations between all nations
Execution plan:
-
Expand McDonald's Franchises into Middle east and central Africa.
- Everyone gets a nap and a cookie every afternoon
- Violence in media and sporting events replaced with 1950's musical numbers
Accountabilities:
-
Universal human rights
- Cessation of war
Employee status: Not started
2 Achieve
Enlightenment
Execution plan:
-
Deep meditation
- Give away all possessions
- Study the lives of all the great peacemakers
- Stop eating Hostess food products
Accountabilities:
-
Inner peace
- Oneness with the universe
Employee status: Not started
3 Determine the
nature and fundamental causes of accelerated expansion of the universe
Execution plan:
-
Raise money via Kickstarter project
- Build matter/antimatter supercollider in geosynchronous Earth orbit
- Invite Stephen Hawking to write the forward to my book
Accountabilities:
-
Nobel Prize in Physics
- Unification Theory one pager
- publish "Dark Energy for Kids"
Employee status: Not started
